Saturday, December 31, 2011
Friday, December 30, 2011
Who are the trusted?
In 1978, Danny Olsen turned me onto a cool new artist, Elvis Costello. I was cautious at first as Elvis Presley had died the summer before. As a junior in high school, I really, really wasn't interested in an Elvis impersonator.
And yet, Danny was incredible hip. An urbane high school senior with a dynamite smile and the ability to wear Jewish heritage like a crown, he was like catnip to the junior girls. I felt privileged that he would include this shiksa in his group of friends.
Elvis was just breaking big with "Alison," from his first album, "My Aim is True." His music was a big departure from the disco and hair bands that filled the airwaves. After all, "Saturday Night Fever" had taken the radio by storm in 1977 and young adults were doing the hustle in discotheques from Danceteria in New York to Osco's in Los Angeles.
And yet, Elvis rocked our world when he played our Millikan High School auditorium. It was my first taste of New Wave and I wanted more. Instead of the glib, glitziness of the hair bands and overprocessed techno grind of disco, Elvis' music had a raw energy that summed up the cynicism and angst of teenagers who had grown up a steady diet of Vietnam War casualty lists and the Watergate scandal. The strong men of our generation were sent to die by the politicians whom we trusted.
Although my favorite Elvis Costello album is Get Happy, one of my favorite songs, "What's so Funny About Peace, Love, and Understanding" came from his third album, "Armed Forces."
As Elvis asked, "Where are the strong? Who are the trusted?" I only wished then that I'd known that answer was Jesus because I was wrong in many of the people whom I trusted in my 20's and 30's.
And yet, Danny was incredible hip. An urbane high school senior with a dynamite smile and the ability to wear Jewish heritage like a crown, he was like catnip to the junior girls. I felt privileged that he would include this shiksa in his group of friends.
Elvis was just breaking big with "Alison," from his first album, "My Aim is True." His music was a big departure from the disco and hair bands that filled the airwaves. After all, "Saturday Night Fever" had taken the radio by storm in 1977 and young adults were doing the hustle in discotheques from Danceteria in New York to Osco's in Los Angeles.
And yet, Elvis rocked our world when he played our Millikan High School auditorium. It was my first taste of New Wave and I wanted more. Instead of the glib, glitziness of the hair bands and overprocessed techno grind of disco, Elvis' music had a raw energy that summed up the cynicism and angst of teenagers who had grown up a steady diet of Vietnam War casualty lists and the Watergate scandal. The strong men of our generation were sent to die by the politicians whom we trusted.
Although my favorite Elvis Costello album is Get Happy, one of my favorite songs, "What's so Funny About Peace, Love, and Understanding" came from his third album, "Armed Forces."
As Elvis asked, "Where are the strong? Who are the trusted?" I only wished then that I'd known that answer was Jesus because I was wrong in many of the people whom I trusted in my 20's and 30's.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Should auld acquaintance be forgot?
Some vacation time has allowed me to sort through 30+ years of memorabilia--photos, concert ticket stubs, cards, and letters. The hard part is that I'm finding a lot of people whom I loved that have passed out of my life. Some of them passed out of my life because that's the way life is. At key junctures, like high school graduation, you take divergent paths and loose touch.
The hardest things to look at are the people I let go from my life because of disappointment or anger...where I purposely severed the relationship. In some cases, it was unavoidable. In other cases, I feel like a fool and there's a sense of loss.
As I look at these people from 5, 10, 20, or even 30 years ago, the bad feelings that caused our friendship or romance to hit the rocks is gone. In the images I see people whom I've loved and who love me. I realize that I may have cut them out of my life, but I cannot cut them out of my heart--ever.
Do I wish all of them back into my life? Not really. Only a couple of them. But, for the first time ever, I'm willing to let their faces inhabit my walls and my daily life rather than being relegated to a box in my closet.
I would never regard myself as a sentimental person, and yet, the first present a boy ever gave me--a framed pane of glass etched with flowers--still hangs in my window 33 years later. Yeah, it's my laundry room window but, still, if I was a bag lady, I'd carry it around in my cart with me.
I think I cherish these things because I never made a family for myself. Somehow, I missed that class in college. So all of this "stuff" is evidence that I've loved and been loved in my life.
My goal this past year has been to work towards getting rid of stuff that I don't use or don't love. This means that a lot of the photos and cards are getting thrown away. Some, I'll scan and then toss. Only the special ones will remain...the people who have changed my life just by passing through it.
The hardest things to look at are the people I let go from my life because of disappointment or anger...where I purposely severed the relationship. In some cases, it was unavoidable. In other cases, I feel like a fool and there's a sense of loss.
As I look at these people from 5, 10, 20, or even 30 years ago, the bad feelings that caused our friendship or romance to hit the rocks is gone. In the images I see people whom I've loved and who love me. I realize that I may have cut them out of my life, but I cannot cut them out of my heart--ever.
Do I wish all of them back into my life? Not really. Only a couple of them. But, for the first time ever, I'm willing to let their faces inhabit my walls and my daily life rather than being relegated to a box in my closet.
I would never regard myself as a sentimental person, and yet, the first present a boy ever gave me--a framed pane of glass etched with flowers--still hangs in my window 33 years later. Yeah, it's my laundry room window but, still, if I was a bag lady, I'd carry it around in my cart with me.
I think I cherish these things because I never made a family for myself. Somehow, I missed that class in college. So all of this "stuff" is evidence that I've loved and been loved in my life.
My goal this past year has been to work towards getting rid of stuff that I don't use or don't love. This means that a lot of the photos and cards are getting thrown away. Some, I'll scan and then toss. Only the special ones will remain...the people who have changed my life just by passing through it.
Saturday, December 03, 2011
Perhaps
Perhaps, if I am very lucky, the feeble efforts of my lifetime wil someday be noticed, and maybe, in some small way, they will be acknowledged as the greatest works of genius ever created by man. - Jack Handey
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Friday, November 25, 2011
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Redeeming Corrupted Perfection
As I was scrubbing my kitchen floor today, I was singing worship music when suddenly, a dart hit me right in the heart. I wept because my tiny Dad experienced physical death.
As Parkinson's Disease chipped away at his body and mind, I know he prayed for the release of death. But he'd always hoped that the rapture would come before his body gave out.
I chose not to see my Dad's body after he died. Parkinson's Disease robbed Dad of his easy smile, quick puns, and baritone laughter. I truly did not want to see his body without his personality inhabiting it.
Today I grieved, not for the loss of Dad himself, but that he had to experience physical death. I wonder what it was like for God when his beloved children rebelled and turned the universe inside out. Did he feel grief like this times a billion billion? Grief for every living thing that would now experience decay and death?
No wonder why we had to have a supernatural savior and champion!
My eyes are still leaking but I'm trying to remember that Dad is home and safe now.
What would it be like to live in a body that wasn't breaking down and decaying? I can't even imagine it.
As Parkinson's Disease chipped away at his body and mind, I know he prayed for the release of death. But he'd always hoped that the rapture would come before his body gave out.
I chose not to see my Dad's body after he died. Parkinson's Disease robbed Dad of his easy smile, quick puns, and baritone laughter. I truly did not want to see his body without his personality inhabiting it.
Today I grieved, not for the loss of Dad himself, but that he had to experience physical death. I wonder what it was like for God when his beloved children rebelled and turned the universe inside out. Did he feel grief like this times a billion billion? Grief for every living thing that would now experience decay and death?
No wonder why we had to have a supernatural savior and champion!
My eyes are still leaking but I'm trying to remember that Dad is home and safe now.
What would it be like to live in a body that wasn't breaking down and decaying? I can't even imagine it.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Yak!
Finished spinning and plying the yak. Can't wait until it's dry so I can see how truly soft it is. I doubt if I even got 50 yards from 1 ounce but it was worth it.
The yak fiber was incredibly soft and dense. The staple length was almost non-existent--maybe 1 - 1 1/4 inches. I had to really inch worm along as I drafted the fiber.
It's amazing at how satisfying it is to experiment with a new fiber...to come to the end with a beautiful hank of yarn spun by my own two hands.
The yak fiber was incredibly soft and dense. The staple length was almost non-existent--maybe 1 - 1 1/4 inches. I had to really inch worm along as I drafted the fiber.
It's amazing at how satisfying it is to experiment with a new fiber...to come to the end with a beautiful hank of yarn spun by my own two hands.
Monday, November 21, 2011
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Spike's Fish House = DoublePlus YUM
Spike's Fish House has opened in the Marketplace at Laguna Niguel and it's total yum. What's to love: the focus is on informal dining which lets you can buy good quality seafood for rock bottom prices.
The menu is fairly simple: fish + rice + veggies in whatever incarnation you want: salad, wrap, plate or bowl. Rounding out the menu two tasty sides: sweet potato fries, coleslaw.
I went with the soup & sandwich combo which included a good sized bowl of tasty seafood chowder and a half sandwich. My seafood chowder had big, plentiful chunks of seafood, potatoes, and corn. My sandwich had 4 ounces of grilled mahi mahi, field greens, and dressing on a toasted garlic roll. At only $7, it seemed like a screamingly good deal.
If I was feeling a bit more spendy, I could get a seafood plate for ranging from $10 - $14. At $17, swordfish is the most expensive item on the menu.
The staff was super friendly and my food was prepared very quickly. This will easily become my go-to place for dinner on the run.
The menu is fairly simple: fish + rice + veggies in whatever incarnation you want: salad, wrap, plate or bowl. Rounding out the menu two tasty sides: sweet potato fries, coleslaw.
I went with the soup & sandwich combo which included a good sized bowl of tasty seafood chowder and a half sandwich. My seafood chowder had big, plentiful chunks of seafood, potatoes, and corn. My sandwich had 4 ounces of grilled mahi mahi, field greens, and dressing on a toasted garlic roll. At only $7, it seemed like a screamingly good deal.
If I was feeling a bit more spendy, I could get a seafood plate for ranging from $10 - $14. At $17, swordfish is the most expensive item on the menu.
The staff was super friendly and my food was prepared very quickly. This will easily become my go-to place for dinner on the run.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
all through the night
Late last night and early this morning was EPICFest 2--the all night lock in party for the junior high and high school kids at church.
When I started working in the Junior High ministry, I promised myself I'd stick with it for 3 months and then decide to stay another 3 months or to throw in the towel. I started on September 28th. I wanted to quit on October 28th. I'm tired today but starting to care about the kids. I wonder what will happen by December 28th.
- They drank sodas, ate candy and popcorn
- We worship together and Eddie taught the Gospel
- We went to cosmic bowling
- We played broomball
- We watched Soul Surfer
- We ate pancakes
When I started working in the Junior High ministry, I promised myself I'd stick with it for 3 months and then decide to stay another 3 months or to throw in the towel. I started on September 28th. I wanted to quit on October 28th. I'm tired today but starting to care about the kids. I wonder what will happen by December 28th.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Rattled and spun
Today I was a panelist for the crisis intervention training at the Orange County Sheriff's training facility. Normally I just tell my story and go but today was a majorly emotional day.
First, our presentation was recorded by Stephanie O'Neill for a story that will run on NPR. The goal of her story is to raise awareness of the crisis intervention training police officers receive. Second, I got to "reunite" with an officer who changed my life.
One of my storypoints is that, during a period of profound depression, I didn't take care of my truck the way I should--unregistered, uninsured, everything. A police officer stopped me, saw my truck was piled with trash, and he cut me a break. He didn't take my truck. He told me that, if he stopped me again, he would.
That traffic stop was a pivot point for me because I'd tried to walk the road of profound depression alone and it wasn't working. Because of the officer's toughness but fairness, I was forced to get help from my friends and family so I could live and function at a better level.
Even though the officer didn't remember me, I got a change to tell him he changed my life. Stephanie decided to interview him, too. I don't know what will become of it, but I got to tell Officer Toyer that he made a difference to me.
Still, the emotion of the presentation, the interview, and meeting has really left me rattled and spun. I feel like an overloaded circuit. A piece of me is proud and thrilled. Another piece of me is really scared that, through the radio show, I'll be much more "outed" than I intended to be.
First, our presentation was recorded by Stephanie O'Neill for a story that will run on NPR. The goal of her story is to raise awareness of the crisis intervention training police officers receive. Second, I got to "reunite" with an officer who changed my life.
One of my storypoints is that, during a period of profound depression, I didn't take care of my truck the way I should--unregistered, uninsured, everything. A police officer stopped me, saw my truck was piled with trash, and he cut me a break. He didn't take my truck. He told me that, if he stopped me again, he would.
That traffic stop was a pivot point for me because I'd tried to walk the road of profound depression alone and it wasn't working. Because of the officer's toughness but fairness, I was forced to get help from my friends and family so I could live and function at a better level.
Even though the officer didn't remember me, I got a change to tell him he changed my life. Stephanie decided to interview him, too. I don't know what will become of it, but I got to tell Officer Toyer that he made a difference to me.
Still, the emotion of the presentation, the interview, and meeting has really left me rattled and spun. I feel like an overloaded circuit. A piece of me is proud and thrilled. Another piece of me is really scared that, through the radio show, I'll be much more "outed" than I intended to be.
2012 "Bucket" List
I love to make lists. But, to me, making a true bucket list is daunting. It's too much pressure to think of everything I want to do before I kick the bucket and then even more pressure to accomplish all of it. I guess that, even if it was full of fun items, it would end up feeling like work.
I can make peace with a one year bucket list, but I'm NOT calling them resolutions. Again, the idea of a resolution seems so formal (liked work) and doesn't allow for a sense of fun or play.
I can make peace with a one year bucket list, but I'm NOT calling them resolutions. Again, the idea of a resolution seems so formal (liked work) and doesn't allow for a sense of fun or play.
- Learn to shear a sheep. In 2012, I want either to go to on a shepherding retreat or learn to shear a sheep. It's one of those things that take my interest in knitting and spinning to their extremes.
- Learn to ride a motorcycle and buy a 250 street bike on or before June 14th.
- SUP in the Standup for the Cure paddleboard event in May.
- Learn to use my rigid heddle loom. It's been sitting around my house since June. Even though I took a class, I feel daunted in chosing the right supplies and getting the loom warped.
- Become a certified scrum professional and become part of a coaching circle.
- Play harmonica in front of people. Maybe not on a stage, but to practice with actual musicians.
- Take a road trip on my way to Portland to see Melinda.
- Go to a workshop on how to be a better youth group leader. I know I can improve my chops by praying for the kids, studying "ahead" of them, reading Christian living books, and just showing up. I think I want to go to a workshop to hear other people's experiences...maybe just to hang out with people who share my interest in it (passion for it?).
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Punk Rock Girl
Punk Rock Girl was one of the most mainstream punk songs of the 80's. It's lyrics have stuck with me for decades. Whenever I'm in a truly brain-numbing meeting, I think of "jumping on the table and shouting 'anarchy!'"
Your position has been eliminated
Today I learned that one of my favorite people will be leaving the company at the end of this year. It breaks my heart because she's always such an encouragement. When I see her, I automatically smile because I know she'll have something good to say.
Her Dad died this time last year. She took time off to grieve and to celebrate his life. She had such a great attitude about it. When my Dad died a few months later, she said all of the right things that offered true comfort and hope. I could trust her because she'd already been there and done that.
Thoughout the years, she's been a champion for me. She helped ensure that I got training to be a scrum master which moved my career ahead. She is an awesome sounding board when I need to talk a problem through. She oftens seems as proud of my successes as if they were her own. She is a person I can confide in and whom I trust.
My grief at losing someone who is such a blessing from my daily life is profound. It's like swapping a 75 watt bulb for a 40 watt.
It feels like a terrible mistake.
I'm trying my damnedest not to let sadness get me down. I want to be an encouragement to my friend...to remember that God has a perfect plan for her...an adventure...something new for her to do or become. Maybe other people need her "light."
It will mean that a lot of the rest of us will have to grow up and step up.
Her Dad died this time last year. She took time off to grieve and to celebrate his life. She had such a great attitude about it. When my Dad died a few months later, she said all of the right things that offered true comfort and hope. I could trust her because she'd already been there and done that.
Thoughout the years, she's been a champion for me. She helped ensure that I got training to be a scrum master which moved my career ahead. She is an awesome sounding board when I need to talk a problem through. She oftens seems as proud of my successes as if they were her own. She is a person I can confide in and whom I trust.
My grief at losing someone who is such a blessing from my daily life is profound. It's like swapping a 75 watt bulb for a 40 watt.
It feels like a terrible mistake.
I'm trying my damnedest not to let sadness get me down. I want to be an encouragement to my friend...to remember that God has a perfect plan for her...an adventure...something new for her to do or become. Maybe other people need her "light."
It will mean that a lot of the rest of us will have to grow up and step up.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Acts 8: Samaria responds to the gospel
Philip (who was one of the 7 Hellenistic Jews who served in the ministry with Stephen), went to Samaria. He taught people about Jesus, drove out demons, and healed people. And because of what he taught and did, people believed in Jesus, were baptized, and there was great joy in the city.
There was a guy in the city named Simon. He had previously amazed everyone with his sorcery. People gave him all sorts of attention and praise. When he saw what was going on with Philip, he believed, was baptized and started following Philip everywhere.
When the apostles in Jerusalem heard what was going on in Samaria, they sent Peter and John to check it out. They laid hands on the new believers and prayed for them, and the new believers receive the Holy Spirit.
When Simon saw that, he offered Peter and John money so they could give him the authority of dispensing the Holy Spirit.
Peter said, “Get out of here! You can’t buy the Holy Spirit with money. You are bitter about not being the center of attention anymore. ”
Simon said, “Please pray to the Lord for me.”
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