Couldn't let it drop

So, one of the things I'd planned to give up to assuage my stress groove situation was Wednesday night with the Junior High people.  In fact, I was seriously thinking about giving up on the Junior High ministry completely.  I didn't feel like it was a good fit or that I was making a difference.  I thought I was wasting my time and just getting in the way.

But something shifted during Pumpkin Palooza.

At the end of the party, I was sitting near Anson. Two junior high girls came strolling up--not from our church. Anson struck up this conversation with them about what they thought about God and what happens when you die. I marvelled at the ease with which he spoke with them (not at them), gently getting them to consider eternity.  I was floored by his kind compassion for the girls. I know it's exactly what Jesus would have done and said.

It laid bare my shabby reasons for joining the Junior High ministry.  I'd wanted to be part of a ministry because something was missing in my spiritual life.  I've seen an exodus of leaders from my church and feel spooked.  And I think I wanted some "Bible points" with God.  It wasn't about how I could serve the kids at all.

I thought it would be easy, that I could hang out on the sidelines and do tasks.  I wanted to be a "Martha."

I hadn't planned to actually care about the kids and their lives and their futures.   My heart's been through the blender a couple of times too many so I prefer keeping people at arm's length.  It's safer that way.  But, I look at these kids and think, "They're making decisions that will affect the rest of their lives...and they're kind of crazy."

But when Anson talked with those girls, I thought, "Dang, I wish I could do that," and I realized, "Oh crap.  I've gotta either throw in the towel or let my guard down and care."

Tonight, when I was gonna bail on the Junior High ministry, I decided to show up and let my guard down.  And I had an awesome time.  I listened and learned and laughed.

Maybe God will use me to do something interesting in the Junior High ministry.  And maybe he'll knock the "arm's length" habit off of me.  All I know is that hearing that conversation sparked a revolution towards the ministry in my heart.