Wednesday, December 01, 2004

12 Forms

I'm approaching the final days in preparing for my black belt test. I have 9 boxing forms and 3 weapon forms to peform and am beginning to practice the forms back-to-back.

It's scary to think of testing, but also exciting. Lately I've come to understand that achieving a goal means moving towards that goal when I feel like it and when I don't, when it's fun and when it's not...big steps, little steps, backward steps, and the occasional leap.

I've learned more boxing forms than I thought possible. I didn't think my brain could do it. And yet, I know I've only brushed up on the outside edges of kung fu.

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

Speaking words of wisdom

I've been wrestling with jealousy SO HARD. Another martial arts instructor has become full-time...more and's like I'm becoming the #3 and he's becoming the #2. But, even in my envy, I must admit that he made a full-time commitment and he is very good at the business. He's naturally the #2--but my ego still snarls.

It was with this snarly attitude that I read one of the student's essays on what his goals are for the next 5 years. His first goal is to develop a strong spiritual relationship with God. His second goal is to learn and really master kung fu. He pointed to Philippians 3:12 as his guiding verse.

I was awed and humbled. This essay was written by a 14-year old boy. He has his priorities in the right order.

And so I read Philippians today, and these things jumped out at me:

Philippians 2:3-4

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Philippians 2:13

It is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.

Philippians 2:14

Do everything without complaining or arguing

And so, I can be at peace again

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

Meeting God

I believe that the Bible is absolutely true yet faith is something I really wrestle with.

It's hard to lay down my wants for my life and embrace the commandments of God. The idea of a God who created for me, cares for me, and absolutely loves me is wonderful but also terrifying.

I think of the way God appeared to Moses--I would crap my pants if a burning bush started talking to me. I think of the things Jesus did. If I saw someone walking on a stormy sea, I would freak out.

And I think of the things God called people to do: Abraham to move 600 miles from his home and to offer Isaac as a sacrifice; Moses to confront a powerful government official, negotiate the release of 2 million people, and to become the leader of those people for 40 years. Noah to build a huge boat when it had never previously rained and to gather a zoofull of animals.

God calls ordinary people to do extraordinary things. What was it He saw in those people that he could use? I think he still calls people like that today.

I would be kind of scared to be called by God. Even though he created me for a purpose and I would find the ultimate fulfillment in that purpose, I'm still suspicious. I guess I still have the idea that my plans for my life are better than God's--even though that hasn't really worked out for me so far.